My Uncensored Review of Billabong Gardens, published on TripAdvisor.

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Unclean, Disrespectful Love-Making Roommates in an Old and Rotting Building

I was expecting Billabong Gardens to be a quiet, very clean hostel with their rooms filled with working holiday makers, so I felt lucky there was availability when I called. I booked for one week.

What I did find on arrival was a dingy, old, crumbling poorly lit building complete with a rat-sized hole in the wall in the corridor outside my room. My room was an explosion of the other guest’s belongings and the wifi promised to be in every room throughout the hostel did not reach mine. My bag was soon moved by another girl because she didn’t want it there.

After choosing a bottom bunk a girl soon came in without introducing herself and asked if she could swap beds, she was on a top bunk and worked full-time and found it difficult to climb from the top bunk in the dark every morning. I felt I couldn’t say no and agreed to swap.

Later that evening, on the top bunk I heard the girl beneath me brag to another girl in the room that she had taken a girl back on a night out and had sex with her in the room. She apologised for waking some of the other girls up, “but” she said “I really needed to get laid.”

Not a good first night. And I can see now why that other girl wanted to swap beds with me. Great.

The beds were okay, although mine had one of those hellish dips which prevents any comfortable sleeping position and just feels like I just slept on a lumpy sofa. I had to fight for a place in the fridges to put my stuff where there’s not enough room accommodate the amount of people staying here. The hostel doesn’t leave cups/plates in the kitchen and you do have to ask for these at reception where you are given your own set you’re responsible for.

The toilets and showers were quite frankly dire. The shower had little power so washing my hair took a long time and it didn’t feel clean. I regularly walk round bare feet indoors but found the bottom of my feet would be as black as soot if I did this walking around the hostel.

The second night I was woken up by the girl beneath me who had brought back a girl again. Without beating around the bush, pun unintended, they inevitably got down to business keeping me awake for the next few hours and moving the bed with their passion.

Still awake around 3am a girl had come back from work and turned her reading light on to pack her stuff. During the break in their lovemaking, one of the girls opened her makeshift curtain and called out to the other girl “nice day at work?!”, as you do, when you’re totally naked post-sex.

There was no contact at reception to resolve this nightmare situation so I wasn’t able to complain until the morning.

And when I did, the reception guy came and told both of the girls to get out of the building immediately.

The pair was confused on how reception knew, so I owned up and told the girls it was me. The girl who had been brought back to the hostel instantly flipped out at me, swearing at me and saying I came from a stupid country – which was funny, because the girl she came back with was actually from the same country as me.

She then told me it was normal in Australia for couples to shag in dorm rooms and that I needed to grow up. (Is this normal?) I’d been in Australia for other a month and never encountered this before which I told her but she fell back onto calling me a ‘wanker’ again.

I left the room for a little while and came to the decision to leave the hostel as no other feature was making me want to stay there. I asked the same reception guy if I could get a refund from that day and he rudely replied telling me I would have to get my stuff and leave within the next 10 minutes – without giving a reason for this.

I gladly got my stuff together and noticed although the girls weren’t in the room their stuff still was, so she clearly wasn’t making an attempt to leave.

I got my stuff and made my exit and wrapped myself in the relief of leaving this hellhole.

DISCLAMER: I know a lot of these problems with the roommates are not the fault of the hostel. This is a review which does include my opinion of the facilities but also a helpful insider tip that if you’re thinking of staying here then you could be sharing a room with the kind of people above. I am not homophobic and I would still have a problem with a heterosexual couple having sex in the same room I am trying to sleep in. Additionally, if you still decide you want to come here but then change your mind and want to leave, like I did, then prepare for a swift exit, I may as well have been kicked out.

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